As I'd had a couple of drinks Lorraine drove us home.Back home I opened the boot and it was crammed, I'm amazed she got the lid down. I was allowed to carry the stuff inside, which was nice of them. I piled all the bags in a spare bedroom and left them too it, I had some work to do for a meeting in the morning, so I headed for the study. I put on some Pink Floyd, poured myself a nice large measure of Ardbeg and opened my laptop, whilst it was booting I pulled my notebooks out of my briefcase and set to work, I had about 50 pages of notes that needed to be put in order and turned into a presentation.It took me about three hours to get the slides sorted and by the time I'd finished I was starving. I headed for the kitchen to put something together for dinner and saw Lorraine walking across the garden, back from the lodge. I'd just taken 3 steaks out of the fridge as she came through the door."That's OK honey, you can put two of those back, we've had dinner with Jo. Dayna asked us to go. “Not what?” I whispered.Lara steeled herself before speaking softly. “It’s not what Heather would want for you. Not what any of us wants. She didn’t go away, just for this to happen to you. You at least owe her more than that.”I felt dizzy now, internal vertigo as everything tightened. “That ... stings, Lara...”She held me firm, even as I tried to pull away from her. “I know ... But you need to think about it, seriously. Heather’s not the only one I’m worried about right now.”Her voice sunk into hollowness as she finished.I knew she was right. Already I could feel my internal mask being glued into place, little by little. Protecting me, from myself... I stopped struggling against her. “But if I don’t hide it all away,” I muttered, “then what the hell else can I do? I can’t tell anyone the truth, except you! But we’re not even allowed to talk about it. So what’s left? Do you really want to drag me through the yard again tonight? There’s no snow this time, you know. The sled won’t help.
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